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May. 16th, 2010

Where to begin? Moved back to Quebec in October and it's been a roller coaster ever since. Do I regret my decision? Yes... maybe some of the things that happened wouldn't have happened... No I am where I am for a reason I guess. It is hard for me to see the reason right now because I feel like shit started when I got here. I only had a part time job at first so I got into a lot of money issues. Then I got into trouble with my neighbor who decided to assault me because she thought she heard my dog barking. Then I decided to move and find a new job... Got the job but before I could move, there was the fire that took away most of my life. Yes I understand I only lost the materials and my animals are alive thank god. I do understand how lucky I am in a way that we're all alive. But I cannot stop my brain from blaming myself over details. I cannot shut down my brain from all the what ifs and maybes... I cannot seem to be able to escape the darkness. I am frustrated. I wish I could move on. I wish I could stop pretending I am getting better when deep inside I am totally lost. I am truly trying to run towards the light but somehow I am not reaching it. I know I have friends and family trying to help me and I do appreciate it. I guess that's all for tonight...

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babyfrenchie
babyfrenchie

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